give me percocet or shoot me please!
6:10 p.m. | 2006-02-21
Okay, now I am paranoid. Answerology was a bad idea. I was thinking, a whole lot of negative comments were gonna come up, and that I would be validated and everything would be right with the world. Turns out it made matters much much worse because all of the statements were generally in the "he likes you" range. Whether it was for long term or just a hook up was another thing, but basically I learned that guys dont hang out with people that they dont like. Not that I do, but when boredom hits, sometimes evil is better than non-existant?? Right??
Never in my life have I ever wanted to be stood up so bad. I have a group meeting coming up, and I so desparately want to not be here. It's bad enough that I had to sit through 3 hours of stats that I had almost 3 years ago. Because, you know, I forgot. I am waiting until 6:45 and then leaving. Assuming that no one need to meet to do anything.
Dieting has never been so hard. I like exercising, that isnt the problem. It's the food. I have taken to drinking away hunger pains (water and tea, not booze). That makes me go the bathroom every 7 minuets and gets me thinking I am really old and pathetic. I keep telling myself that I didnt decide to loose weight for Drew, that I did it for my dad, since he basically called me a fat ass during Xmas break. It REALLY put things into perspective.
So all of this rambling comes down to me thinking about kissing him or just acting like it's another game of pool. I mentioned it before. Maybe I should let him make the first move. But then if he doesnt, I will be stuck thinking, "he either thinks I dont like him, or that he really doesnt like me and that this was just a pastime besides doing homework on a Wednesday night". Then there is this totally left field idea that we would kiss and that he would bring up that he has a girlfriend, and then I would have to play it off as either, 'whatever = Im a ho like that', or 'shrug it off as an effect of the alcohol consumption = "I like you! Both of you! **hiccup**". Then the idea that my mind says is utterally impossible is that we kiss and he asks to got out again (completely unbelieveable).
I am so fucking screwed up. I blame this on the years of inexperience that I have suffered through to get to this moment, which isnt even that impressive. I mean, at least I am not thinking about what to talk about and how to style my hair (god forbid) but to think that all I have on my mind is what will happen at the end of the night, I am a complete loser. Somebody give me a percocet!
I suggest:
Lots of exercise. You need to tire yourself out before you pop a blood vessel. If that doesnt work, there is a cabinet full of your best friends waiting at home.