rolling in with the tide, I cant swim anymore, maybe I dont want to
9:19 p.m. | 2006-03-07
Sometimes I feel like I am taking crazy pills. I have no business being stalkerish about Drew, but I am being that way for no reason and I hate it. As much as I try to avoid logging on, I do it anyway and then get all disappointed when he isnt on. Hell, I dont even know if I like the guy, shit is just happening and I am going along with it. But I do have fun with him. I just dont want to come off as this clingy girl who is desparate for a guy to do all of these things.
Im watching an old black and white (some giant ant movie that will probably redo sooner or later) wasting time. There are a million things that I should be doing, and here I am stressing to everyone about a problem that really isnt there. It's just so hard not to talk about it. I hate that every relationship that I try to have gets like this. They fizzle out, or I do something stupid or they do something stupid. I cant stand it. I want life to be like the soap operas, minus the comas and all that crap. There isnt enough "oh john, or marsha" out there. Who has that? Why do we make movies and stuff about that when it never happens? It's misleading.
Everyone say's he just got insecurities, but how the hell is that possible? I feel that I screwed up since I got tipsy and then all easy on him. I have issues to deal with. I scared him off and acted like a complete loon. I can see what the apology was for. It was probably what I should have said.
The Chris issue on the other hand, is completely bogus. I cant believe he has yet to call. Irriated is exactly what I am today. I am so done. I love how everyone makes it sound so easy. But it's not.
I need a manual or something.
I suggest:
Maudes cafe is great place to kick back and reflect on your non-actions. Chai latte or raspberry tea? Or both?