why bother?
7:56 p.m. | 2006-04-22
In the spirit of trying to get back into the cynical random evil that used to take place in this diary, I decided to go back to Starbucks (the big intent on seeing that hottie, which of course, has yet to happen ugh) to try and branch out of my "I hate my life/every couple should burn in hell/let's get fucked up" zone I have been in for a while. After "moving on but not really", I went out of my way to find that Veronica from before, at the same time wondering if it was worth it. I dont see myself as that greatly improved, but there was a time when I wasnt psychotic about a boy, hating school, and begging for life to begin. There used to be a time I was totally crazy about grad school, I didnt worry about looking sexy, and I didnt spend this much time on the internet. I just all of a sudden remembered those days. I didnt have that much of shoe fetish then either.
Hell, I didnt drink that much either(hmmm, maybe I dont want to go back to those days...)
Eitherway, there was a time when I was much happier, and I am gearing for that period. I read over old entries, and Im like "who the fuck was this?". It's as if I totally forgot about those days, and I here now trying to find where things went south. I am now trying to get back what I did then, reading books, being studious, trying to go through a day without my laptop (which was kinda bearable). I ordered a book, got back into reading an entire magazine and making a few cutouts, and I am still trying to organize a trip to the beach. But it's as if everyone else's lives kicked into gear and mine just stayed in neutral.
Then when I really get into, I know that it's wrong to recapture the past. I have changed since then, and that faking that feeling will only be an assinine attempt at not coping. I should learn from my mistakes, and only vow never to repeat them (although that shit has yet to happen). I guess I should think more instead of feel. And of course, not be nice.
So I am really enjoying being single, being here right now, being me.
I suggest: Trips down memory lane make you wonder why you ever decided that Cosmos were not trendy. Whiskey is what you do best.