Everything you want, and not
3:09 a.m. | 2006-05-12
Things are getting much more complicated than I would like them to be. Not only am I concentrating on graduating in a few months time, but my social life is trying to get itself together, and I dont know if I am exactly ready for what it is dishing out.
I went out with Michelle, and usually I dont meet anyone of any worth, but tonight was a little different. Since most of the students are gone (its the break between Spring and Summer semesters right now), all of the locals came out to the downtown club scene. It wasnt any big deal, except that most of them are my age, doing the things that I would love to be doing right now, and were hitting on me. So I met Juan/Sean (loud music and Long Islands dont make good for listening), a local restuarant owner. He's in my age range, and took a deep interest in me. So much that he actually called me tonight. I am not one-night stand ready in my house yet, and since I am usually the DD, I cant do very much. He was nice about it, we were suppose to do the breakfast thing, but that didnt exactly follow through. Instead I ended up driving home and talking with him over the phone. He seems pretty sincere, but I know that's pretty easy to fake.
What's so tempting about this is my situation with Drew not going anywhere. Since he decided to pull a David Blaine and disappear and reappear without warning, I am not sure if I want to be a part of that. I keep thinking about my mother's conversation from earlier in the week. She asked me if I felt that Drew liked me. I kept telling her about what he's done, and she kept saying, "no, what do you feel". I didnt know how to respond. I feel that I am just infatuated and really just want something (hell anything at this point lol) to work. He's the most comfortable and reliable person to work with. Juan/Sean on the other hand, is a complete stranger that I know practically nothing about. Drew and Juan are practically the same age, however Drew has an education, great financial security (whenever he gets a job that is), and is a sweet heart. Juan is already financially secure (has his own business, or so he says), and is a bit more forward and knows what he wants, but doesnt have the education that Drew does, although he is just as cocky as Drew is. And he knows how to use a phone. My mother asked about that too, whether I wanted to date someone who doesnt call me on a regular basis.
I dont want to rationalize things based solely on superficial traits (hell I dont even know Juan yet), but I cant just go by what I feel. I know that I would rather have Drew fess up to whether he wants this go somewhere or if we are just great drinking buddies. That just drives me crazy. I kinda hinted at this to Juan, in the hopes that he would get the idea that things may not be going as far as he would like them to. But that's hard to communicate to someone who has been "watching you since you and your friend entered the club".
Some times I wonder why I get into the things that I get into. I just want to leave Gainesville.
I suggest:
All attempts to avoid the club scene are pointless. Drink Long Islands and Rum and Cokes, exchange numbers, and pray.