way too fucking sober
10:09 p.m. | 2006-06-02
I havent had much to say in here. I kinda just let shit happen now. I dont even try to sort it out. Now Im sick and really dont have a choice, I have anything better to do.
The date I had last time, totally fucking pervert. Everything seemed really nice since he was older and not a student, and that he was looking for something serious, Im looking for something serious, yay. Well we went to lunch/brunch and then he asked me to go his apartment, you know, to talk and stuff. I went, it's a dump. He starts trying to get freaky (note, it was by himself, I was on a whole different coach listening to he wacked out questions about my sex life) and then I left. Completely random shit. Not to mention that I was freaked out since I could have not made it out or something.
So fast forward, Memorial Day weekend, and I go the beach with Michelle, have a decent time, get teased about my one piece, then that Monday have another ackward encounter with Drew. This time he asks to have lunch with me (or rather I say Im going to eat, he finds out Im on campus, and then suggests we eat somewhere). So we hit up the Swamp, and he starts on his usual tirade about rich people, how his niece is gonna be spoiled all that craziness that I dont understand. Why me? Why the ranting? I dont even get to say anything. I dont get it. I dont hate it, but I dont want something like that. It's so hard to see it as just friends because he comes to me with it. Am I suppose to help him with it? I dont want it. I just want someone to want me, to be about me. He's not like that. Or maybe he is and I dont know it. How am I suppose to know? It's just been a painful learning year that for some reason I dont want to end. I dont even find him attractive, but I cant go without thinking if he's my only chance. I dont want it to be like that. It's impossible to feel that later on, there's gonna be someone that's gonna make me feel that way I did before. I want that back so badly. No one else can be him. No one else can be Cody.
I hate questioning, I hate loathing time with someone. It shouldnt feel that way, but I cant say no like I should.
I suggest: Jack Daniels and Coke is your new best friend.