Physical purging and immersion
2:04 a.m. | 2006-06-22
Yeah so life ... is ... whatever. My grandfather passed away and me deciding that escorting my mother up there was not the brightest idea I have ever had. It wasnt painful, but it was something that I could have done without. I shed no tears. But I learned where they came up with the word dysfunctional. I had plenty of time sitting alone, surrounded by the largest family ever, to ponder my own situation and why I didnt feel a sadness about my grandfather. I knew why all along, but I had to put into words. I never knew the guy.
So back in FL, I am working, not eating because of a damn stomach virus, and as usually, being a moppy single me. Single me. My family harped on and on about that too. My aunts questioned me and my mother (cuz it's really her fault... lol) about me not being able to "share my beauty with a man". How 1950's is that? And you know I had to think about it too. I had to mull about it, wonder, why I am the last one in my age group to get married or have children. Hell, Im only 25, but still, I have a cousin my own age who had a child when she was younger. And even though she had this kid out of wedlock and is single raising her daughther on her own and didnt finish college, she gets praised while I get the shady eye about why Im not dating. I dated is all I can say. Dated. Not dating now.
So all weekend in TN I had the urge to watch "Win a Date with Tad Hamilton", I get back here and rent it just so I could say that I could be Rosalee, I could be her, maybe not as stupid, but I could be her. But I am not. I honestly cant say that I am adored by anyone, that I am too stupid to notice that there is someone that adores me, that I would willingly ignore someone who could possibly have feelings for me. I've explored this already. There's no one. Nada. Zip. Just me. My job. School. That's it. Only one thing to do now: immerse. As desperately as I would like to scream out that I want more, it wouldnt do me any good.
It might be fun though ...
I suggest: Since you cant immerse yourself in a Jack and Coke, focus on getting yourself back on solid foods. Although loosing 10 pounds in 5 days is totally amazing from just vomitting.