I never thought possible...
11:24 p.m. | 2006-07-13
I hate people because you can never really know what their thinking. More like I can never trust anyone to be thinking anything good, but that's me. I am wary and for good reasons. Maybe I am a bit over protective of myself.
Last night I really opened myself to Drew and we slept together. I was amazed that maybe he felt the same way that I did. I kept thinking to myself, it's just sex, enjoy it and then leave. But I really wanted to believe that maybe he had feelings for me and wanted to be with me. And he made me feel very loved. I cant think of any time that he wasnt holding me or caring for me. I got sick from drinking too much, puked, and he took care of me. He brought me advil and gatorade for my hangover :)
But that morning, he was so quiet and distant. It was very akward. He asked what I was doing later this week, and I told him I wouldnt be here, I was going to visit my sister. I said I would be back on Sunday and give him a call. And then I left. And havent felt right about it, including my stomach.
How do you keep from doubting?? It's so hard to believe something good happened to me. In the back of my mind, I feel like I am being used somehow, taken advantage of. It probably isnt true, but I cant help not feeling that way. But I didnt feel cheap or objectified, and I feel that that is something you cant fake.
I suggest:
Smoking Loon, Yellowtail, Trivial Pursuit, and Queen. Vomitting is optional.