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12:11 a.m. | 2006-08-15
It's officially the seventh day. Hehehe like in the Bible right?
On the seventh day, God rested, that all men may remember this day and keep it holy...
Yeah, well, this seventh day, (although there are still about 24 hours left of it) if he doesnt contact me, I have to completely let go. Not that there's that much to let go of, but ya know, whatever the hell you want to call it, FWB, or FWB w/ stipulations (lol), it's over. I know he's not even wondering where the hell Im at right now. Probably assumes Im out getting shit faced with friends or laying out in the sun or working out for that "I know I will never achieve it" body for my vacations. Probably found someone else to focus on, another girl that he can use, take from, and throw away. It's only hurtful because I feel Im not worthy. I feel like Im missing something that would make me special enough, make me desireable enough, woman enough, to be someone's girl friend. To be so important that someone would change their schedule just to see me, would go out of their way to hang out with, to call me just to say hi.
And Im not. Im not worthy enough to be his girl. I dont have whatever it is he's looking for that will make him decide to pursue me. I dont have whatever it takes to make him see me as more than a girl that he knows. I know it doesnt make sense to wonder what that specific thing is, (cuz it's probably a number of things) but I relate it back to every little insecurity that I have. I know Im not super attractive, I know Im average in almost everything (except breast, I got too much of that lol). But I really hope that Im average only in my eyes, but I guess Im not. He thinks Im average too.
I suggest: Overworked, underpaid, and underappreciated? Bay breezes with Malibu Rum make you feel like royalty.