And I wore the good underwear too...
10:07 p.m. | 2006-08-28
Again, Im sitting at you know where, a million miles away from where I live, eating and drinking stuff that I really shouldnt be drinking and eating, hell that I cant even afford right now, waiting for you know who, and guess what? He's away. Idle and away. Im such a loser.
So I broke down and talked to him. I had this conversation with another friend who explained how it would feel if you were into someone and then all of a sudden you disappear and dont speak to them at all. That you would be pissed and wonder what you did wrong and then hate the other person. So I felt bad. I disappeared for two weeks only because maybe I wasnt understanding how he felt about me. So I unblocked him, and sure enough, he messaged me. It was somewhat mundane, asking about my trip, then me asking how things were, blah blah blah. So he goes out and has a good time, I go to work and go to bed early afterwards. Then the next morning, Saturday, he talks to me again, detailing his good time and then, remarkably, says that he wanted a cuddle that night. I roll my eyes. Why now? What? You wanna fuck now? And you still didnt call me about it. You call when you wanna fuck. That's what you do!
But maybe he doesnt want to treat me that way. I blamed his "cuddle craving" (those are his words people) on all the alcohol from the party the other night, and then he retorts "I've been craving a cuddle for a while". Hmmmm. How would you respond? I simply shurg it off and change the subject. It's like, whatever, be a bit more demanding. I always thought his actions were a bit pussy, but then again, my friend corrected me saying that all guys are like that, that they dont want to impose. Plus that Im apparently never available for him to do anything. And I thought that maybe if I was around on his side of town, that he would take advantage. But nope. And when I took a shower he was online still. Actively.
I promise never EVER to do this again. Im the only lonely girl here. Ugh. And I have a caffine headache. Life is so grand, so grand.
I suggest: Being available sucks, especially sober. Try a Stoli cranberry and peach, and you wont notice.